I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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