Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
