i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
