do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i out mim tonsoeep
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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