8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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