I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i think my mom watched the whole time
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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