Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
