I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
