It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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