I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just gift wrapped bread.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
