totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
