Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
