i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
