I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize