Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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