I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
