wrigley field is MILF paradise
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
