just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
