I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
