not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
