I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
