Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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