Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
