That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
