Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
