is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
