Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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