he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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