i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
