I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
