8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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