just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
