seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
They took my balls.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
