im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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