I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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