Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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