i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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