So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize