I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
