Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
