i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
