remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
