Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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