Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
