And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
