wanna go halves on a baby?
Can Purell be used as lube?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
