I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i love accidental penises.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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