I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
My breath smells like gin and sadness
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize