he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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