how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
worst night to have a conscience
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
