3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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