Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
