If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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