I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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