btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
