Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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