I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
