Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
