Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
