the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
