Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize