Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I am mentally ready for anal.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
