if i can run in heels then i can drive
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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