I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
