my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
my liver is dry heaving
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
