Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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