9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
