sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
