Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
