Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
