best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
