Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
